Outtakes From My Resume


Let's skip the awkward introductions. *Insert extremely awkward introduction*

Now that we've got that over with... Here is everything I wanted to put in my resume, cover letter, and/or portfolio website but someone told me not to. These are the fast facts that I wish someone cared about because frankly, I'm ready. Sure, I can pay attention to detail and take meeting minutes, but I can do lots of other things that don't get brought up in job interviews. Could it be because these traits aren't necessarily relevant or applicable to the working world? One hundred percent.
But this is a blog, not a portfolio site, so it's the equivalent of a junk-drawer for my thoughts. Move over extra batteries and used toothpick, here I come.

Everything I Wanted to Put On My Resume, Cover Letter, And/Or Portfolio Website But Someone Told Me Not to



  • My ultimate passion project would be a documentary about people who live on Nantucket year-round
  • I believe every conspiracy theory I've ever read about Disney World
  • My favorite conspiracy theory is that Marilyn Monroe and JFK both faked their own deaths so they could run away together and live peacefully on a remote island somewhere
  • I don't find SeaWorld to be problematic
  • I accidentally learned how to moonwalk
  • I've pretended to be allergic to cinnamon my entire life just so nobody would pressure me into eating it
  • I tried to start a chess club in high school. Tried, and failed.
  • I can walk an 11-minute mile according to my 5th-grade gym teacher 
  • I've never watched an episode of The Simpsons but I really liked the movie
  • If I could learn any language it would be MUSIC
  • I used to play the violin, but I had to learn the song by ear because I can't read music. You see where I'm coming from here?
  • If there weren't such high stakes, I probably use my bullet journal more often. I spent 3 hours drawing the perfect October calendar setup and now you want me to defile it with appointment reminders? Never.  
  • The Lego Movie is one of the funniest movies ever created, In my opinion, and that was also my deepest darkest secret in film school. 
  • Harold and Maude is not a metaphor for about the Oedipus complex, and it is not a creepy cautionary tale. It is one of the most tragic love stories ever written and it changed my life. I'm only partially joking. I owe most of it to the musical score, but that movie really did move me. 
  • My favorite book is Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand because it contains the strongest, most compelling tale of forgiveness and I believe we could all benefit from a lesson in amnesty
  • I find it absurd that the only way to obtain a crayon sharpener is through purchasing a fancier box of crayons. Why doesn't anybody sell just the standalone sharpening tool?
  • Just like my last cover letter, this is getting out of hand. That's all. The rest of my fast facts were better off erased.  

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