Today I learned a fact that was very difficult to accept. Mosquitoes are the world's deadliest animals.



      That fact just feels like some type of loophole. SURE I understand the effects that mosquitoes can have on a population. I would never downplay their reign of terror. BUT...
When I'm searching for world's deadliest animal, I'm clearly looking for pictures of three-headed sharks or some type of mutant spider that can instantly morph into a bear. I wish Google could understand intentions.
The second most upsetting fact that I learned came from the very same list. Below mosquitos, I found an animal that met some of the scare tactics I was searching for. Massive body, long protruding fangs, endless appetite. On paper, this animal sounded terrifying and very deserving of a spot on this list. In actuality, I often times forget this animal even exists because it seems more like a cartoon character than anything else.
One of (if not THE) deadliest land animal in the world is the hippopotamus.
A fricken hippo.



Meaning, if you're in a room with a lion, a crocodile, and a hippo, don't underestimate the awkward looking herbivore. The other two animals would most likely end up using you as a human shield because guess what? LIONS AND CROCODILES ARE KNOWN PREY TO THE HIPPO. The image of Simba the lion being eaten alive by a fat ugly hippo is just about as disturbing as it gets.
I will admit, the most amusing predator/prey relationship definitely goes to orca whale vs moose.
"In Alaska and Northern B.C., transient orcas are known to prey upon deer and moose as they swim between islands or across inside passages," -Prince of Whales Whale Watching

Back to hippos: THEY KILL PEOPLE.

I'll never get over that.
This feels a lot like the time I learned more people die from falling coconuts than shark attacks. Was that actually a proven fact?...or was that just something the punk kid in the back of the school bus made up? UPDATE: It's not a proven fact.
It doesn't mean it's incorrect- it's just that science has not yet provided us with an accurate coconut death toll. Unfortunately, nobody volunteered for the job of etching tally marks into the wall every time a coconut was convicted of manslaughter- and until someone steps up to the plate and takes one for the team, we don't have the necessary data to make this comparison.
 If you'd like to waste a short portion of your day and dive into some research on sharks vs tree nuts, Check this out
Another graceful return to hippos: PROOF THAT THEY KILL PEOPLE
An article from The Guardian sites 13 people died from a vicious hippo attack near Niamey, the capital of Niger.
The most detailed account of a hippo attack (that I could find) came from a man named Paul Templer, in a 2013 article also from The Guardian. He heroically recounts the time he was swallowed by a hippo, which I'm sure makes a great story to tell at parties.
The most astonishing part to me was when he admits he was initially unaware of his surroundings and the only reason he knew he was inside of a hippo was that he managed to free one arm from the beast's mouth and touch its wiry whiskers. Can you IMAGINE that texture?
I think it's safe to say that I don't want a hippopotamus for Christmas- not anymore.

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